God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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