umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
