This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
