Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
