So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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