You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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