if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
