If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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