Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
