so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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