Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Randomize
