You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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