My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
