He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
