moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Randomize
