Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize
