i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
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