I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Randomize
