i was born a porn star she said
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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