Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Randomize
