you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
