she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
