All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
