The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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