I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize
