I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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