The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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