i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
