just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
