no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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