If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize