Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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