before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Randomize
