I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
