i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Randomize
