Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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