Is it normal to miss your booty call?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
