Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
My bed smells like the plague
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