Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
