you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
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