I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Your penis caused this!
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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