i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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