I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
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