she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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