The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
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