I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
