Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
