I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
His hands were made for my vagina.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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