I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize