I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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