I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
