I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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