I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
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