Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
