God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
