your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
