i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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