I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Randomize
