I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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