how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
