I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
