He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
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