this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
