I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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