Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
