That's intense
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
