But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
