I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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